Dealing with My Own Lukewarm Heart
Rather than writing another teaching article or something that is currently a hot topic, I’m just going to bare my soul because at this moment all I know to do is be brutally honest.
The Lord has been dealing with me very clearly and yet very gently from Revelation 3:15-20. He has put His finger on areas of my heart that I have assumed I was doing well and didn’t need any work. I have honestly been shocked at the depth of my own neediness and sin in areas I thought I had “under control”. The Lord has been dealing with me about my own lovelessness that has manifested in frustration, judgment, and unkindness toward others.
I have grown a great deal in these areas over the years, but a lot of growth doesn’t mean I have no more room to grow. I have been blown away by how moments of frustration have negatively impacted my children and some of those closest to me. I have repented in tears and brokenness as the Lord has graciously met me with forgiveness, mercy, and cleansing. It has been painful and beautiful. I have mourned the loss of intimacy with the Lord and with others because of my sin all the while knowing God promises to redeem and is in process right now of redeeming all that has been lost.
Several months ago, I began praying the prayer of 2 Chronicles 7:14, “Lord, I humble myself before you and turn from my wicked ways…” If I’m honest, I was unaware of any wicked ways in me, so I said it as genuinely as I could assuming God might show me some small thing that I needed to repent of. Instead, His gentle and clear conviction has landed upon me in intensity bringing me to ashes. I have repented to the Lord and to those I have hurt with my loveless and selfish heart. Even to this very moment I am asking the Lord to show me any others I need to talk to so that I can own and repent of sin that has in any way hurt them. I’m broken. It’s a beautiful brokenness, but it’s real and it’s painful.
The admonition in Revelation 3:15-20 dials in on a single point in verse 17, “Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing – and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind and naked – I counsel you…” I’m so struck with Jesus’ kindness and tenderness in this passage. I have been so wrong about how I have read His admonitions to the church of Laodicea. I thought He was angry in calling out their lukewarmness, but instead I see that He was coming as a tender counselor inviting them to deeper intimacy. In verse 20 He says, “I am knocking on your door. Will you let me into all the places of your heart so that we can share deep fellowship? I want to be intimate with you, but your lukewarmness is in the way. Let me in so we can experience all the depths of love that is available.”
I thought I had it. I thought I had arrived. I have been Laodicean and didn’t even know it. And all the while He has been beckoning me to deeper intimacy and love. My own lovelessness has been an indicator of my lukewarmness. I am undone at this revelation.
I declare to you and anyone who will listen, I need Jesus in the highest way. I am a needy man, in need of our wonderful and gracious Jesus to meet me in my lukewarmness and kindle a fire in areas of my soul where I thought I had arrived.
To be clear I am not talking about some hidden sin that others didn’t know about. I am talking about moments of anger, frustration, pride, judgment, harshness, and unkindness that I had learned to live with and excuse, because after all, “Nobody’s perfect.”
Except that’s not true.
Jesus is perfect and He wants to perfect us in love (Mathew 5:43-48).
I’m asking Him to burn down all the wood, hay, and stubble in my heart and possess me with His love in fullness. I deeply need Jesus. I will always need Jesus. I will never arrive. The moment I believe I have arrived is the moment I have been deceived by a Laodicean spirit once again. I am asking Him to ignite my lukewarm heart and bring it into a full blaze of possessing love so that I can fellowship with Him at a depth and love others the way He does.
Living flame of love burn me deeply till all that’s left is You. Consume my lukewarm heart with your fire. I never want to return to Laodicea again.